Testimonials for Self-Care Haven
What People Are Saying About Self-Care Haven
“I am a therapist living in Dublin, Ireland, and I work with victims of narcissistic abuse. I just want to congratulate you on your site, and to say what a topping article this is. It is full of accurate information for giving hope to what can seem like a hopeless situation when you are a victim of narcissistic abuse.” – Christine Louis de Canonville, Author of The Three Faces of Evil: Unmasking the Full Spectrum of Narcissistic Abuse
"Shahida, I am so impressed with your writings and blog posts. You are such a brilliant woman, and I know you are helping so many people heal through narcissistic abuse. I just wanted to give you a shout out that I am a therapist who specializes in helping survivors of narcissistic abuse out here in CA. I wanted you to know that I refer my clients to your website, I think that highly of your wisdom. Thanks for making a difference in this world and helping the world go round in positive ways." - Andrea Schneider, LCSW, MSW, Author of Soul Vampires: Reclaiming our Lifeblood After Narcissistic Abuse
"Shahida, I am incredibly impressed with the work you are doing. You have been paving the way for so many survivors to find recovery and from a viewpoint that they can relate to. I have already sent your article [Your Brain on Love, Sex and the Narcissist] to several clients. Excellent information and writing!" - Shannon Thomas, LCSW, Southlake Christian Counseling
“I am reading your book, have watched your videos and read your blogs. More than any other single element in my recovery, you have contributed the largest part to my healing from co-dependency. You have provided the insight into the working of the abuser’s mind, the tactics and now the chemicals and how they work. You have also taught me how to take care of myself. While I know I’m a work in progress and CoDA meetings, materials and my sponsor play a role too…I cannot thank you enough for expressing your knowledge on this topic. you have made a HUGE difference in my life! Thank you!!!” – thecrysalis
"If you haven't read Shahida's book, you're missing out on some great teachings." - Kim Saeed, Let Me Reach, Author of How to Do No Contact Like a Boss
“Powerful truths.” – Ross Rosenberg, M.Ed., LCPC, CADC, CSA, Clinical Care Consultants on “What Abuse Survivors Don’t Know”
“I linked to Narcissists Get Inside Your Head’ in the recent Sophia’s Children post on ‘Withholding’ (part of the Resources for Empaths & Sensitives Series).But since it’s so relevant on a number of levels, particularly to some of the less savory interpersonal dynamics that are in play in our interpersonal experiences at home, at work, in the community — particularly with research showing a disconcerting leap in Narcissistic behavior — I wanted to share Shahida’s article in full, on its own.She spotlights some of the specific toxic-tactics that, while normalized in a ‘tough love’, bully-centric culture, are actually abusive and harmful. So it’s wise to have a look and be better able to recognize them as they come up, which gives us the option of practicing into more healthy, self-and-other respecting ways of relating (or choosing to disentangle from chronically disrespectful relationships).I particularly appreciate that Shahida includes ‘triangulation’ in her list of toxic-tactics to recognize, as it’s a common ploy and yet not as frequently noted. Thanks to Shahida!” – Jaime, SophiasChildren
“This is another excellent resource for anyone who suspects or knows they’re entangled in a sticky narcissistic web. Thanks to Shahida Arabi for this valuable post.” – Laura Bruno
“Your podcast and blog is very informative and an absolute blessing!! It has helped me immensely in sorting out the confusion and complete devastation during and after narcissistic abuse. The wise insight and information provided has given me the guidance needed to help break the strong addictive emotional bonds and to continue with no contact. The journey has been excruciating, but knowing these disordered personality types will never change and the person that was first presented during the early predatory stage of 'love bombing' was never authentic has given me the courage to look within, to set firm boundaries and finally begin to let go. It's hard to let go of the fairytale, but in doing so I have found that (little by little) the hypnotic fog and heart wrenching nightmare that was attached is finally fading. All the best to the author. Knowledge is power and your info on the subject which I think is vastly misunderstood or otherwise unknown is saving lives. I am forever grateful! Many thanks!!” – Jessica
“I admire your ability to maintain such a powerful, self--respecting perspective. Your words of encouragement and validation have been so influential. Had I not come across your blog, there's a very good chance I would have been dragging the end of this relationship out in a much more painful way. “ – Coaching Client
"Your books are the narcissist's kryptonite because they give women back their superpowers! I still can't thank you enough. You really changed my life and kept me sane. To look back at the messages I wrote to you, I really wasn't doing well. You helped me to get to where I am now. Thank you Shahida. I can only hope there are more girls that find you because you are amazing. You are such an inspiration to me and are so beautiful, powerful, intelligent. You have something so special, you can connect with women from a bad situation and you can counsel them no matter the distance, You'll never know how much you have helped me. I've come back fighting since you helped me get back my peace of mind." - Coaching Client
“I want to thank you for this site..this was the information I needed to see to realize I want losing my mind..and gave me the courage to go..FULL NO CONTACT!” -olderandmuchwiser
“I found the blog very accurate with my experience and all the stuff that I’ve read. Thanks to the blog owner… You write so well. Not all of us are so gifted in writing, so be sure that what you do helps many!”
“Beautiful and helpful post, you cannot read those points enough and you phrased everything so well. Thank you.” -betternotbroken
“I’m not a blogger and I only created this account to let you know how much reading this has meant to me. I was 19 when I was in an abusive relationship and finally got the courage to walk away…I stayed for as long as I did because he had never hurt me physically before and I didn’t consider what was going on abuse. Deep down I knew something was wrong and I still stayed. I’m turning 21 now and this article explains most of what I’m feeling…It’s been over a year and I still can’t believe that I fell victim to what he did to me. You hear about it in school and you know that what they explain is abuse but when it happens to you you don’t see it because that sort of stuff always happens to someone else. Reading this article though has me looking at things a little differently. Thank you for showing me that people understand and know it’s not my fault.” -sammi
“WOW!!! How I wish I had read “Dating Emotional Predators:Signs To Look For” 6 months ago! Every sign precisely described the guy I was dating. This would have saved me months of wasted time.”
“Awesome article. Very articulate and very well thought out. I think you hit bulls eye with all the manipulation tactics you just named.” – Rachel B.
“OW!! That was as if someone had been living inside my walls and watching what was going on! Wish I had known that a long time ago.”
“I have done a lot of research on this. It was this article that listed out exactly what I had just lived through over the past 4 years. I will be recovering for a long time. It means so much to understand and know that I am not alone. Thank you!”
“This is what I have survived recently. As a result of reading this, and realizing it was what I was dealing with, I finally cut this guy out of my life for good. Time to start healing now!” -Joy
“This blog post is amazing, thank you so much for writing it. Such great explanation of the issue, which everyone reading can take strong advice from. It breaks my heart that people are victim to this and worse, but articles like this can really help.” – Scott
“Thank you. Simply thank you. You are putting back some good into our world. Thank you.” -Anna L.
“I am in awe that you have accurately depicted the persona of the true narcissist. You are an incredibly insightful person and I hope others can be spared by reading this.” -Toni
“WHAT A GREAT READ! This is the best most accurate depiction of a narcissist I have read. Self care haven, GREAT JOB! This is helpful and I am sure it has helped others. All of these are difficult things to deal with. The most important thing is to take this knowledge and TAKE ACTION! Life is too short to be in an uncomfortable situation and life is toooo long to be in an uncomfortable situation. Good luck to everyone that was brought to this article for whatever reason. We can do it. Best of luck to everyone!” – Steve S.
“All I can say is WOW, this article is the best I’ve read. Not just for describing narcissistic behavior but also the effects it has during the relationship as well as the after effects the abuse has on the abused person. You describe each phase in such a way it was like you had been watching him.” -Mary N.
“If you have ever been in a “relationship” with a malignant narcissist, you’ll appreciate what this writer has described in this article.” -Faida
“This article was tough to get through but SO helpful. I am woven throughout this story and recently divorced a Narcissist after one year of marriage. I used to think a Narcissist was someone who was self-centered or “cocky” but it wasn’t until I lived through the storm and came out the other side that I saw the true affliction.... Please head this article’s advice and take care of yourself, detach and heal! I can’t stop referring to this article! When you have been in this relationship and so confused on what went wrong and why can’t you fix it….this article puts all the pieces together. The peace is that there is nothing you did or can do to make it ok. For me that helped in letting go. I went through the break up with no contact before I found this article…not sure how I knew but it was the only option. We weren’t speaking the same language. The day I locked the door I told him “today it stops for me” and I meant it. It will be a year on Sunday and even though I’m still haunted with questions time to time…I’m a new person. This article is power – not to let it happen again. ” – Kendall
“This is fantastic. So succinct – everything is here on this page. I am male, and was in a year-long relationship with a covert female narc, reached about 100+ days No Contact today. She did all of these things to me…My life has been turned upside down – I have lost my home, my life partner, my friend, my future life, and the person I was ready to marry never even existed. And people just think I’m not very good at getting over a break-up. I have purchased dozens of books & e-books, seen 2 therapists but this page contains the Aleph, the alpha and the omega of what they do. Thank you, my love goes out to all who have suffered.” – Simon R.
“Excellent article. One of the best I’ve read so far.” -Mandy L.
“Anyone who has been in a relationship with a narcissist can truly identify with this article….it’s spot on, the most accurate I’ve read.” – Moira
“That is so true, read this some time ago, someone posted it on their FB. It was like a light blub finally went off. After 4 years in a relationship (which it finally ended a couple years ago) it is a life of emotional roller coaster, highs, lows and above all confusion manipulation .. all which leaves you not even knowing what norm is anymore. All which becomes easy to be sucked right back in, falling into the fantasy trance (and I have always been a strong independent woman). Do not get me wrong, there were times I went through medical books to see if there was some type of mental illness here. but they do not put things in the terms there we need. This was one of the most clear and right on articles I have seen and gave me closure.” – Vickie D.
“Wow. After 11 yrs (and 3yrs of marriage) I finally came across this article. First of all, thanks so much for it – I believe it has saved my sanity. The very next day after reading this, my husband used the “other woman” tactic on me. Normally this would have sent me into a rage or depression, but today I have a deeper understanding of his games and decided not to give in. I am working on the no contact phase today and hopefully some day I will recover from too many years of verbal and sometimes physical abuse. I did post this article to my FB, in hopes it will help some one else.” -Darcy
The YouTube Channel
“Great work dear one... Keep inspiring Dear One..it is the way we spread love and light through the world.” -Lisa A. Romano, Breakthrough Life Coach
“I really like the affirmations you used. Wonderful meditation :)” -Kim Saeed, Let Me Reach
“Blaming you for things they've done, phone calls at odd hours... Narcissists may seem overly suspicious of you, which is often because they're the ones who are cheating on you. Great educational video from The Smart Girl's Guide to Self-Care!” -Psychopath Free
“You're such a beautiful, wise person, and such an inspiration to full recovery. Can't wait to get "there" - all the way "there.” Love your vids. Thanks so much!” -Narcissist Free
“What a wonderful video this was. Thanks so much for your efforts.” – Beverly Brown, M.S.
"“That's so true ;-) I love your videos!” -Ingrid, Show Boundaries